


Cheer Up

by Angelmom7511



Category: Rammstein
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:33:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21722281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelmom7511/pseuds/Angelmom7511
Summary: Gonna try my hand at this.After a really hard life she was settling in her life, then they came in.
Relationships: Till Lindemann/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

She stepped out of her house, making sure her door was locked and closed thoroughly before continuing on her way to her car. She hit the button on the sensor to unlock her car with a small beep ringing out in the silent air. The door thudded as she closed it. She made her car come to life with the stroke of the button, and backed slowly out of her driveway, pulling forward she continued on her journey. Four minutes later she arrived at her destination, her place of work. Concentrating on the walk into the building, she missed the men gathered around her workplace. She set her things down in their respective spots and clocked in. 

"Good Morning, Miss Mandy," a voice called to her. Her cheery boss being the source.

"Its morning," she replied, "not so sure about the good part though." She continued looking around to see what the day would bring for her, checking to see what deliveries needed to be done. 

"Right?" replied her boss chuckling at her. Knowing the woman had a rough time recently, he allowed her to be however she felt at the time. For the past few months life had been absolutely horrible to the woman. Making her all ready anxiety ridden mind be riddled with more anxiety to the point she needed to see someone about it. She knew she needed the help and asked her doctor to put her back on her medication. He complied quickly. Now it was a wait to make sure the medication would work like it had in the past. "So Miss Mandy, I really need these delivered right now. So as soon as you get your key could you please get these out the door?" He asked handing her three sets of papers. She grabbed her clipboard signing the company car out to her and taking the clipboard to her store manager to sign.

"So, how are you today?" the man asked punching in the code to get into the safe to retrieve the key for her. 

"Eh, I'm hanging in." That was her answer everyday. He knew this, but still he asked. 

She grabbed the key and the clipboard, secured the key to her carabiner and then to the belt loop on her pants. She found this was the easiest way to keep up with the key since many times she had her hands full of auto parts she needed to take to the shops she delivered to. She found that she dropped the key less this way. Knowing it would be difficult at best to pick it up off the floor. 

She looked at her papers, walked to the back and put the clipboard up in its place. Then she turned to get a cart to find all her parts to take. Going down the aisles she found each part she needed and added it to her pile on the cart keeping each place she was going to stop separate to make it easier on her. As soon as she was satisfied she pulled everything she needed she made her way to the computer to input the information. Then made her way outside to the company car she would be driving for the day. She hit the button on the fob to make the car unlock the doors and carefully placed the parts in three distinctive piles in the rear of the car. When she finished making sure everything was put where it needed to be, she closed the hatch and made her way to the driver's seat. She turned the key, springing the car to life. She noticed that she had been the last person to use it so she didn't need to adjust anything saying a murmur of thanks she didn't have to try to put things back the way she had it. She waited for the car to pick up her phone so she could listen to the music she selected on her phone. As soon as it told her that it was connected to her phone, she hit the button to make her music ring through the speakers. She let out a sigh as the music rang out instantly calming her addled nerves. She turned the volume up to the loud level she liked it and put the car in gear to head to her first stop of the day. When she looked up, she found she wasn't alone in the car.


	2. Chapter 2

The six guys had been waiting outside where they were told to be all morning. The largest of the group knowing the address and the reason they were there, but not telling the rest of his band mates. He took out the paper he'd written the address on to make doubly sure they were in the correct spot and matching his GPS to it. Suitably satisfied that they were in the right spot, he looked around wondering who the woman was who had written to them so eloquently. 

"Till, what are we doing here?" One of his band mates was being impatient. The dark haired man snuffed out his cigarette staring at his friend. 

"Well, we are here to meet a fan who has had a bit of rough time lately, and we are going to bring her a bit of cheer!" He said to the group. He ran his fingers through his hair realizing how silly it sounded. He just knew he needed to meet this woman and make sure things hadn't gone off the deep end for her, hoping against hope the medicine was working for her. She had written that their music had calmed her anxiety to the point she could function as long as she had it playing. When she wasn't listening to their music she found herself feeling a panic attack coming on. He felt amazed to hear the music he and his band mates had written had such an effect on her, and fell for her words on the page. He knew he needed to see her, and hope she was as lovely in person as she sounded on paper. 

"Ok so what does she look like?" The dark haired man asked so he'd know what to look for. Till paused. He didn't know. She hadn't provided a description of herself in the letter, and all his attempts to search her name on the letter had come up fruitless. He couldn't find any social media page for the woman. It was like she didn't exist. Someone wrote the letter, so he decided to take the chance, but didn't want to come alone, so he asked his friends to come with him denying telling them what they were going for. 

"I honestly don't know, Richard," he sighed looking at his other band mates. About this time a silver car drove into the lot blaring their music loud enough that they could hear exactly which song was being played. Staring at the car he wondered if this could be her. Sounds like it could be. 

The woman exited the car. He swore under his breath, secretly hoping it was. The woman was beautiful. She had her bright red, shoulder length hair down swept to the side in a way that showed off her curls. She wore a black collared shirt with the name of the business they were at emblazoned on the left side, skinny black jeans showing off all her curves, and black sneakers. Carrying her bag and a silver cup in her hands she made her way to the building completely oblivious to the men standing there. Till's jaw dropped as she came by and opened the door. The others noticed his reaction and turned in the direction in which he was facing.

After a moment of silence watching her walk into the workplace, one of the guys spoke up. "Is that her?"

"I don't know, but Id like to find out. I hope it is," Till took a deep breath in. He wondered what color her eyes were since they were covered with dark colored sunglasses. 

"I can't believe we would be dragged out to the middle of nowhere in America, just so we could see one fan. What's so special about her?" the tall man to Till's right side said out loud to the group. He was annoyed. Till knew this. His friend had a dislike of America. He knew if he had told his friend where they were going he would have said no, so Till kept them all in the dark. Just telling them little bits of information at a time to hopefully keep them interested in the journey. 

"Flake, I told you she's been through a really rough time and I wanted us to come cheer her up." He was starting to get exasperated with his buddies, wishing he had actually come alone now. Till ran his fingers through his hair again and sighed. "I know this sounds stupid, but I fell in love with this letter and really wanted to see the woman who wrote it. She really has had a hard time lately, life has been very unkind to her."

"Well that's a fucking understatement." A woman with long red hair said. She appeared so suddenly as the men jumped a bit at her voice. They had been too wrapped up in their own conversation to notice the new woman had come up to them. She wore denim skinny jeans and a light red top covered by a light black jacket. She continued to walk up to them having heard part of the conversation. "I can only assume you are talking about my friend, Mandy."

Till looked at the woman, "Yes we are. And you are?" Till was still a bit weary of the woman. 

"I'm Amy. Look I don't know what you know about her, but yes she has had a rough time. She's just now starting to come around and get better." Amy looked at the group of men standing in front of her. She had no clue who these men were. "So she wrote a letter to you?" Amy cocked her head to the side as if she was confused. Till handed her an envelope. Amy took it, looking it over carefully as if determining it's validity. She read the whole thing, folded it up and handed it back to Till. She smiled. Now knowing who the men were and what her friend had written to them. She breathed in noisily. 

"I can't believe she actually went through with it!" Till looked at her sideways. 

"How come?" he replied. 

Amy took a breath in, looking around at the men. "She's incredibly shy, this is so far outside of her comfort zone. I'm damn proud of her for actually seeing this to the end. Normally, you would have never seen this, as it would have never been mailed out. You would have never seen this, you would never have known she existed. She just doesn't do this." Amy chuckled a bit. "I'm so proud of her stepping outside of her comfort zone."

Richard looked confused, "So why wouldn't she have told you she was writing to us?"

Amy sighed, "because she would have thought I would think that it was a stupid idea." Amy contemplated a bit. "She's so shy, she wouldn't tell me. She thinks of herself as stupid, since that's how she grew up. She has just me as a friend since she doesn't make them very easily. She gave up in high school. She got tired of being hurt by people and decided to become a ghost. She sat in the back of the rooms at school, not drawing attention to herself. It wasn't worth the trouble of getting hurt again. So she stopped." Till listened to Amy give more insight into this mysterious woman, finally understanding why he couldn't find her on social media. His mind was thinking about how this woman had been hurt so badly. He knew he needed to meet her. 

They heard the scraping of the cart being dragged on the concrete and turned to see the woman they hoped was Mandy come out of the building. They watched her load the items in the white colored car. Amy started walking towards her. She looked at the guys, "Are you coming?"

They all jumped, running to get into the car. All the men shuttling into the back while Amy climbed into the front. Amy watched her friend fiddling with the radio to get her music going. Seeing her satisfied with the volume of the music, Amy smiled at her friend unaware anything strange just happened. 

Mandy put the car in gear, finally noticing her friend.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh God Amy!!! You know better than to sneak up on me." Mandy had jumped at the sudden appearance of her friend in the car. She laughed continuing on her way to the first stop. Mandy continued to concentrate on the road in front of her. She pulled into one of the shops on her list, put the car in park hopped out of the car, she added the key to her belt loop again, and going to the rear of the car opening the hatch. She screamed as she found six guys sitting in the back of the company car. 

Mandy looked back and forth between the guys. She recognized them as the members of Rammstein, but hadn't a clue what they were doing in the back of her company vehicle. Being timed on her deliveries she just simply grabbed the first pile of parts, running inside after closing the hatch. The guys in the shop greeted her.

"Heya Red! How's it going today?" Mandy set the parts down on the designated spot, smiling kindly to the men. 

"Oh you know... I'm here. Hanging in there." She shoved her sunglasses on top of her head pulling the front part of her curly red hair back like it was a headband. She walked into the office to get the paper signed showing her workplace that she had indeed made this stop. "Great! Thanks!" she said as she grabbed her paper and walked out of the building. She hopped into the car again, turned to her friend. 

Mandy held her hands out palms up shaking them slightly, then turned her hands over closing the fingers around her palm except the first fingers on each hand. Amy chuckled. She made her own hands make shapes seemingly answering what Mandy said. They sat there for a few minutes going back and forth sometimes wildly gesticulating in the air. When Mandy was satisfied with Amy's answers, she turned on the car and put it drive heading to the next stop on her route. Amy sighed and got in the back with the guys. Till was the first to speak. 

"What was that?" He asked her. Amy laughed. 

"Well, Mandy knows another language. Its called ASL. Its short for American Sign Language. She learned it so young that she uses it as much as she speaks. But with her being so shy she probably won't speak with you guys until she gets used to you being here." Amy sighed heavily looking at the men before her. 

Till looked impressed. He thought to himself, I can learn a new language.

"She told me she never thought you would ever read the letter she wrote. She never thought you would get it."

Till looked at her puzzled. "Well, why did she write it and send it?"

"Because it made her feel better to put it on paper. She just didn't expect it to make it in your hands." Amy ran her fingers in her hair, frowning slightly. "Listen guys, she's been through a lot lately. Its going to be a while before she gets comfortable with you being here with her. Just be patient and she'll open up."

Till nodded, "got it. We will let her set the pace."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure this came out the way I wanted it to.

Mandy ended her work day, she hopped in her silver car with the guys following her jumping in as well. She started the car and drove off. When she stopped outside a brick building, they all looked at her as she climbed out and ran in with just her keys in her hands. Till asked Amy, "So what is she doing now?"

"Oh, she has to pick up Bryan." 

Till nodded. The rest of the guys looked at him. Oliver spoke up. "OK Who is Bryan?"

Christoph looked out the window, "Oh wow, she's a mommy!" The other guys turned to where he was looking seeing her walk with a brown haired child with a backpack on his back. They watched with their jaws open as she unlocked the doors and watched as the child climbed in the car. Bryan looked around, "Uh mommy?"

"Yes son?" she asked.

"Why is Till in your car?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out baby. Put your seatbelt on and we will go home." She heard the familiar click and put the car in reverse backing out of the space and setting off to the house. A couple minutes later she pulled into the drive. Parked the car and got out her keys. She got all her belongings, opened the car door telling her son to wait up on the porch while she got the mail. The Rammstein guys following suit. 

Going inside the guys looked around, they watched as Mandy put her things down on the counter in the kitchen, telling her son to empty his backpack, at the same time she emptied her bag on the counter. They sat down in the living room as they heard her rinse her dishes and put them in the dishwasher. They watched as her son pulled dishes out of his backpack and they heard him do the same. Mandy then turned in the kitchen and got out a casserole dish coated it with oil, opened the door to the microwave and pulled out the meat she set out to thaw before she went to work. 

Till noticed a cat come out of nowhere. He watched the cat come slinking towards him and the others cautiously. The cat was beautiful with different colored grey and browns splattered all over its body. The cat meowed loudly coming closer to him. He stuck out his hand for the feline to sniff. It sniffed his hand and got even closer looking him in the eyes and quickly jumping in his lap laying down. Till absentmindedly stroked the cat, hearing the loud purrs of approval from it. Soon another cat jumped down from it's hidden perch making its way to the guys, and then hearing more pattering of small feet. How many cats does she have? Till thought. He didn't see any more cats but he could hear them. 

The smell of food being made soon wafted through the house. Mandy set the timer on the oven, coming over to the couch looking at the papers the child put on the couch for her to look over. Mandy sifted through the papers occasionally asking the small child questions about his day. She got to a blue folder showing her child's reading assignment and had him set to work reading to her. When all this was finished she got up again telling the child to be sure he put all his stuff where its supposed to go and walked back to the kitchen to finish preparing the evening meal. She turned on the TV to let the child watch a little while she finished making dinner.

Till smiled watching her with her child. It made him feel warm, seeing her care for the child. She was a wonderful mother he thought to himself. He looked at the guys. They all looked shocked by what they had seen. Till laughed at them. 

"Come on guys, its not like we've never seen a woman with her child before!"

Richard said, "Um, no that's not it. There's no way that tiny little thing had a kid!" The woman they saw was flat stomached, she was shorter than Paul by about a head, and seriously couldn't weigh more than 100 lbs soaking wet. Till laughed. "Then I'm really about to shock your world. She's got three kids." He watched as all the guys dropped their jaws at this revelation.

"This is just her youngest."

Flake looked at Till. "So where are the other two then?" Till shifted uncomfortably. Amy broke the silence.

"Unfortunatley her first two children weren't born alive. Little Bryan is her miracle rainbow baby, he's spoiled to death." 

The room became quiet. No one wanted to speak. Mandy continued with her daily chores. Finishing making dinner, she made a plate for herself, and fixed a sandwich for her son. She came into the living room to to tell the men they were welcome to have what she made if they wanted to. She sat on her couch and ate while bringing up one of her prerecorded programs on the TV. Till decided to sit next to her on the couch. Mandy finished her dinner setting her plate on the coffeetable to finish watching her show. Till watched her as she watched the TV. She was so engrossed in it he didn't think she remembered she had guests. He lightly put his arm on the back of the couch behind her head and smiled as she didn't seem to flinch. He watched how she smiled at something funny that was said, wanting to see her smile again. She yawned a bit looking at her phone for the time. Deciding it wasn't time enough for bed she laid her head back feeling the warm arm of Till behind her. She smiled seeing it there, Till nervously took his arm back from it's perch. Needing to shift a bit she turned herself more towards him. She then shocked him by putting her head on his arm laying contently on it. He smiled and brought his arm around her enfolding her next to him. She snuggled closer to him, gently lying her hand on his leg. When the show was over Mandy looked at the time again. 

"Bryan, it's time for you to do something." He child sighed heavily. "Feed the kitties..." he said. "Yes and then when you get done with that you need to clean your toys up and get your pajamas on. We will go to bed in 30 minutes! Chop chop little dude!"   
Till watched as the feline he was petting earlier ran into the room with the child along with three other solid black cats. Now I know how many are here, he thought.

Mandy woke up in pain in the middle of the night. She turned on her opposite side trying to force a pop out of her aching back. No relief. She flopped back over. Her fitful movements had woken one of the guys up and he was standing next to her bed. She had forgotten in her sleepy haze that the guys of Rammstein were in her house. Fitfully trying to get back to sleep, she gave up and took her muscle relaxers hoping she could get a couple hours sleep before she needed to get up again for work. She moaned in pain as she tried to flip over once again to get comfortable, she felt the man climb into the bed with her.. Till reached out to soothe her. She jumped sightly. 

"Are you ok?" Till asked concerned. Mandy flipped over and shook her head.

"I'm in pain. This stupid kid decided he wasn't going to pay attention to where he was going and he ran into me. I've been in constant pain since. That was almost 2 years ago. I can handle the pain during the day, but at night I have a lot of problems sleeping due to it." The man felt bad for her. Not only had her life been turned upside down from recent events, but she had things in the past that he didn't know about. Life truly hadn't been kind to her. Till brought her closer to him carefully so he didn't hurt her more. She settled into his arms. It wasn't long and she felt the medicine finally working. Or maybe it was the soothing embrace of the man next to her. Either way she was safe and comfortable again and she drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does everyone think? Is it good? I'm still unsure. If you could drop me a note please! I want to hear it good or bad!

Her alarm woke the pair up very early in the morning. Till groaned. She gets up so early! He looked at his phone to get the current time seeing that the sky was still dark outside. Its 6:30! The woman twisted and turned every which way hearing cracks and thuds of bones being put back into place. He wondered how in the world she did that knowing the pain she was in last night. He watched her get up and go into the bathroom closing the door behind her. After 15 mins she came out looking very much like she had when arriving at work the previous day. She set to work making the bed, he went into the living room to sit on the couch. She went in and woke up the child taking his clothes and setting them in the second bathroom. She told the child to not play. She then went into the kitchen and watched as she started to prepare the child's breakfast and lunch. 

"Do you make his breakfast and lunch everyday for school?" 

"Yes, my son is autistic. Granted he's very high functioning, he still has autistic traits that make things difficult on him. He tends to have textural issues with food. So I'm of an opinion that fed is best right now. So I fix what I know he will eat. Not only is he autistic, but he has developmental delays, and he's ADHD. Speaking of..."

She stopped making the food and went into her bedroom and came out with some gummy medicine and a couple of pills. She set them on the coffee table and went back to work on the child's food. She packed it all in his backpack, and set it on the couch waiting on the child. She went back into the kitchen and set to work on the dishes from the previous night. She rinsed the dishes off and loaded them into the dishwasher. Noticing it was full she got it ready to run. Checking the time, she ran into the bathroom her child was in and told the child he needed to hurry because they needed to leave in a few minutes. 

She then took a couple of wet wipes out of a container on the counter and started to wash the counters down in the kitchen. Satisfied with her work there and hearing the child come in, she turned to the child and told him to take his medicine. 

"Please hurry, we need to leave in two minutes."

The child finished taking his medicine and grabbed his backpack putting it on his back easily. She rushed him out the door, climbing into her car. She took off with the child. After about 5 minutes she returned having safely dropped the child off at school. While she was gone the men had come out of their sleeping areas getting themselves ready for the day. 

She then grabbed a broom and started sweeping the floors. When that was finished she went into the laundry room where the cat boxes were and set to work on scooping them out. She continued to run at this pace until she was satisfied her house was clean enough. She grabbed her things and went out the door again repeating the actions she had done the previous day. 

The guys accompanied her to work. Till sat in the passenger seat of her company vehicle. Reaching over occasionally to hold her hand while she was driving. After her work day was done, she picked up the child again and continued to do everything like she had the day before. Structure to her day since she was at it alone with the child.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wondering where to take this from here. Music inspired me last night. So this one is based around Life Is Beautiful by Sixx AM and Gone Away by the Offspring. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER, deaths, miscarriage, stillbirth.

Later that night Mandy woke up in a complete sweat shaking from her nightmares. She grasped her necklace that she never took off. It had four trinkets on it the first was a large purple heart, the second a ring, the third a silver colored tube, and the last a black tear drop with a large tree on it. She mindlessly wound her fingers around each trinket thinking about the reasons she had these items on her neck. She got the first in 2011.

Flashback:

The fourth of July Mandy went to her brother's house to celebrate. He had cooked hamburgers and hot dogs, they watched a movie though Mandy couldn't remember what it was. She went on maternity leave early due to her huge size and not being able to keep up with the work. Heavy lifting didn't seem to be as easy as it once was. She was now starting to feel very tired and unable to do the things she once found so easy. The pregnancy swelling had her aching all the time and as it was summer the heat was really getting to her making her very uncomfortable. Her one year old niece climbed up onto her belly to cradle it. Mandy explained to her very young niece that her cousin would be coming very soon. The child seemed semi interested. 

Later that night she curled up on the couch to watch the fireworks she knew would be on the TV. The next day she would be watching her two nieces while her brother and his wife worked. She woke that morning preparing for her young nieces. The day went well until Mandy started to have contractions. Since she'd been having them so much during this pregnancy, she had medicine to take to ease them. So she took the pill after grabbing the largest cup in the house and filling it with water. She then laid on the couch watching her nieces play and watch Tinkerbell. It wasn't long and she felt like something was bad wrong she was in more pain than normal and had started to snap at her three year old niece. this isn't good she thought to herself. She called her brother asking if one of them could come get the girls as she needed to either go take a bath or go to the hospital to be checked out. As soon as she got it out what was going on, she felt a gush. Oh shit... 

She told her brother that she thought her water just broke. Everything went into high gear then, her pain got worse and she kept feeling gushes coming out her belly hard. Having medical training and fearing the worst she checked to see if the fluid was clear. It wasn't, it was blood. She called her husband. No answer. Then called his boss. 

"Hey are you still at work?" she cried into the phone.

"I'm in the parking lot about to leave. Why?" came the woman's reply.

"I need you to go back inside and get LJ and tell him to come home now. I'm gushing blood and having contractions." She was practically in tears at this point in fear. 

"OK I'm going try to stay calm. Is there anything else you need?"

"yes I need someone to stay with my nieces. My brother has all ready been called and someone will be by to get them but I can't wait on them it could be an hour or more before they get here." 

"OK I'll follow him home then. LJ here!" she heard the woman say as her husband's came on the phone. She relayed the convo to him and he kicked into high gear hearing her crying. 

Mandy hung up the phone trying to remain as calm as she could to not spook her very young nieces. Soon the door opened and her husband came in with his boss, introducing the girls to the woman. He then came around to Mandy and helped her up to the bathroom, she wanted to clean herself up as much as she could before getting in the truck to go to the hospital. While sitting on the toilet to clean up she suddenly felt very woozy. She crawled off the toilet to lay down on the floor, imagining if she had stayed up all the things she could have hit her head on should she pass out. Her husband called for an ambulance at seeing his wife's state. In about a half hour the paramedics showed up. After asking questions many of which sounded like they were making her out to be a bad mother by suggesting she hadn't seen her doctor. She got very pissed at this accusation. She had been to every appointment like she was supposed to and the only appointment that got cancelled was early in her pregnancy in January a snow prevented the doctor's office from being opened. They rescheduled her. She wasn't happy these men who came in at her worst time were accusing her of not caring about her baby. 

They finally got her out of there and into an ambulance. They had a hard time trying to place IVs in her arms. It seemed she lost enough blood for her veins to start collapsing. They got her to the hospital and the doctor upon seeing the ultrasound called out to the room what was wrong. The medical team panicked. Which made Mandy freak out more. She was being rushed into the OR to have an emergency C section. They quickly prepped her and then waited for the anesthesiologist to get there so they could continue. As soon as she did they rushed to put the medicine in her IV but noticed she wasn't falling asleep. 

"Why is she still awake?" came a voice. Mandy started panicking. Why was she awake? The IV wasn't placed correctly due to her collapsing veins. They wiggled the other IV and upon finding it suitable they gave her more of the medicine to knock her out. The last thing she saw was the on call doctor standing over her scalpel in hand ready to go ahead as soon as he got the go ahead. 

She woke up woozy and confused. Where was she? She heard voices saying that she looked better now that they had given her blood. She had lost so much she needed two bags of whole blood. It dawned on her why she was here and she started freaking out, taking off the oxygen tube she tried to sit up but he pain in her stomach was too much. Where was her family? Then she remembered what brought her here in the first place.

"Where's my baby?" 

It was a whirlwind, Mandy couldn't stop crying after, her baby girl was gone and now she had to leave the hospital to bury her. Mandy didn't remember much of what went on afterwards. It wouldn't be until years later that she would remember things from others giving her tidbits of what happened.

Now its 2015, and she was having to put her rainbow son's birthday party on hold because of snow. But tonight on her son's second birthday she was driving him and her husband to her Grandpa's funeral. Her big Tahoe having four wheel drive made it easy to go out in the snow. The next day would be her grandfather's birthday. They would have her son's birthday party then. She remembered the last time she saw him in the nursing home. Having watched this man struggle with Parkinson's disease since she was 8. She had gone with her son to see him and her other brother's former wife and their kids. Her grandpa's addled brain making him appear to be trying to eat the shorts he was wearing. She hated to see this man in this state. Now his suffering was over. 

Late July 2019, Mandy is cleaning her house as is her custom before going to work when her mother's ringtone came over her phone. She answered and got a very distressed voice on the phone. Her mom had been called and told her other grandfather wasn't doing well at all and it appeared the man was dying. She calmed her mom down enough to get her on her way home. Then she hung up and called work telling them she wouldn't be in and why. As soon as her mom turned up home, they went to the nursing home that had been his home for the past year or so. He'd had a stroke before her son turned one and was living each day in a broken down body unable to move and his brain had been messed up to the point he had no clue who the people were that were coming to see him. He recognized them a familiar, but didn't have a clue as to who they were. Now it appeared he was getting ready to move on. The family watched as the patriarch of the family was slowly leaving this world. He got slightly better only to get much worse and finally passed on August 9, the same day 16 years before she had lost her first son to a miscarriage. The whole time she was waiting on her grandfather to pass, her anxiety kept getting the better of her. She wasn't able to eat without feeling like she would throw up as soon as the food touched her tongue. She also couldn't help tapping her fingers in anxiety waiting to do something. She was waking up shaking so bad she was unable to hold anything. She needed help. She needed her medicine back. Having had to stop it due to her not having health insurance and therefore couldn't go to the doctor to get it refilled.

Her family decided to have the funeral the following Tuesday. That day Mandy made her way to work and around noon as she was coming back out from one of the shops she saw her phone on the console was flashing she had a missed call, a text, and a voicemail. She read the text. It was from her dad, so were the missed call and voicemail. She quickly called him like the text asked her to do. 

"They found Lindsey dead, she's gone."

"What?" It was the only thing she could say. Her sister was found dead in her house. What the fuck happened? No one knew. She was reeling from this. Her 32 year old younger sister was dead of unknown causes and was found the day of her grandfather's funeral. She didn't know how to feel. She was numb. This caused her anxiety to go through the roof. 

The funeral for her grandfather was that night, she just found out about her sister, then she attended the memorial that some friends of her sister's put on as her sister's other family were being jackasses and basically pretending they didn't exist, then her grandfather's ashes were interred at her church with the blessing of the trinkets that held his ashes for the family members to wear. 

Mandy found one thing that kept her from having the panic attacks she knew were coming from all the stuff that had happened recently. Rammstein's music had kept her from going off the deep end. She felt she needed to let them know what it meant to have their music to keep her calm. 

Back to now, she was crying after remembering all the pain she's had in the past years sending her mental health to an all time low. Till heard her sniffling, came over to her bed, climbing in he pulled her close to him again. Then gently kissed her head. She rolled over to face him, he wiped away her tears. She looked into his eyes.


End file.
